© 2012 Yardana
”I'm not exactly sure who recommended that I add you, but someone thought we'd be a good match based on our strong feelings against vaccination. Before I added you, I had a look at your page and the list of topics you discussed. I agreed with so many of your opinions, however, one thing stood out to me. You were against time-outs and punishment.
What does that even mean, I thought to myself. I had never even in my life heard of a child not getting time-outs, that's how normal they were to me. Why would anybody be against such a normal way-THE way-of correcting behaviour? I began to research online. I began to search my heart honestly.
Tears flowed down my face as I remembered being a child, sitting in my room, crying my eyes out. I remembered stomping my feet until they bruised. To this day, my heels ache and I cannot lie flat on my back or sit with my feet in front of me because they are so tender. I remember throwing things against the wall, denting the wall and breaking my things. As a teenager, I even sat in my room and smoked cigarettes, sometimes even used a razor on my skin.
I had nobody there to listen or love. I was "rude", I was "inconsiderate", and sometimes I was even a "bitch." I remember a distinct feeling, a deep knowing, that I was only loved if I behaved. I acted out so horrifically; my mother allowed me to do anything I wanted as long as I did all my housework and didn't talk back. Of course, I gave her flack, because I was upset at all the things I had to learn the hard way. So of course I was punished. My mother called herself a gentle, peaceful parent...and even so, she made me promise that I would be a better mother to my child, when the time came, than she was to me.
I remembered how I felt. I thought for a second about my child. Did I want my child feeling the way I did? I never want him to feel that he is unloved or unaccepted based on what mood he is in or how he is acting. And so I have learned better ways.
My husband and I took a vow never to give a spanking, never to give a time out, no grounding, no name-calling or shaming (such as using the word naughty.) I know now that so much of the pain in my life, both physically and mentally, is from time-outs and other similar punishment.
I learned that some of the most peaceful people in my life had never been punished or given a time-out. I learned the true meaning of having a peaceful home, and being a better parent and a better person. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that I happened to stumble across those few words on your profile, for if I hadn't, I might have never known. I tear up thinking of the person I might be today.
So, thank you. Thank you on behalf of my entire family. Because of one simple idea that you planted, one more child in this world is living in peace. We have stayed committed to our vow and our child has not been punished.
Love and light.
|Physical punishment is not the only thing that hurts.|
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